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Having a Pity-Party? 10 Tips on How to Leave!

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Are you feeling sorry for yourself and just can’t seem to get out of this “woe is me” mentality? I’ve been there more times than I can count!

On the tenth anniversary of my soulmate’s passing (March 16), I found myself in one of those full blown pity-parties. But I didn’t want to be there.

As I was bawling my eyes out, my kind Lord showed me a way out by giving me a silly allegory in which my negative emotions were personified (inspired by my favorite book Hinds’ Feet on High Places). It was the ticket I needed.

I shared it on Facebook and it resonated with so many women that I decided to follow-up with this blog. You can read that short allegory here: I’m Leaving This Pity-Party!

Are you stuck in a pity-party? Are you tired of your ever-present companions of self-deprecation, discouragement, doubt, despair, and discontentment? Here are…

10 Tips to Help You Leave that Pity Party

1.  You have to want to leave

This is probably the hardest step. Breaking the hold of longtime “friends” and habits is difficult, but not impossible. Look at the negative consequences of remaining and the benefits of leaving. This will help you to do the next step.

2. Decide to leave

It’s a choice. The how will then follow. As the saying goes: “Where there’s a will, there’s a way!”

3. Enlist God’s help and trust that He will make a way of escape.

The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure. (1 Cor 10:13)

(My way out was a funny allegory!)

4. Examine why you’re having a pity-party

What is causing you to have this “woe is me” mindset? Without knowing the root, you will only be treating symptoms. Use pen and paper to help you. However, please do this self-evaluation with the Holy Spirit. Otherwise, you might wind up staying even longer.

5. Get the right perspective and focus 

When you have a greater understanding of God’s character and ways; when you understand that this is not all there is and that whatever you are going through will not last forever—you’ll be able to shift your focus off yourself and onto God and eternity. 

6. Praise and thanksgiving

Remember what God has done for you. Think about the many blessings He has given you. At the very least, think how Jesus saved you from eternal agony to everlasting bliss. Everything else pales next to that! 

Choose to sing praises to God—when you do, departure is guaranteed!

7. Don’t make it harder to leave by doing something that’ll make your mood worse.

Pity-parties often spiral downward. When I was grieving on that 10-year mark of Ed’s home-going, traipsing down memory lane would have only gotten me further away from the exit door.

Before you open up that bag of chips or waste the time away with useless or harmful behavior…

Stop and think if it’s really helping you!

8. Fight

Fight by speaking specific truths against your specific issues. Do so emphatically, repeatedly, and with strong conviction [See an example of how to do that here].

9. Surrender. Put yourself—your emotions, thoughts, desires, needs, will, every part of you—on the altar; better feelings will soon emerge!

10. Open the door

…and receive God’s love, comfort—whatever you need to walk out that door.

“Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends.” (Rev 3:20)

So until next time, my friends, open the door when Jesus comes to rescue you from your pity-party. All your negative naysayers will leave (and if they don’t, kick them out with Jesus’ powerful truth and presence) His party is way way better!

 

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

 

How to be More Patient-Part 4: Understanding Ourselves

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If you’re reading this blog you are probably an impatient person who wants to change. Perhaps you’ve tried to be more patient but can’t figure out what’s taking so long to develop this quality!

A key to learning how to be more patient is by understanding ourselves

As mentioned in the first blog of this series, the root cause is our sinful nature. Like it or not

Impatience has its root in selfishness

And just like getting rid of those pernicious dandelion weeds that seem to pop up out of nowhere, it takes time and effort to remove the roots.

Consider these scenarios from my own life and see if you can relate.

In dealing with chronic pain: “I want this to stop! It hurts; it keeps me from doing what I want to do; it keeps me from enjoying life to the fullest. How long, O Lord, how long must I endure this pain?”

Or

In preparing my house for sale: “Why can’t the remodelers get here on time? Don’t they know how important it is to get my house repairs done? Another glitch? You got to be kidding me! I don’t want to spend that extra money! Are these people just trying to take advantage of a poor widow?”

Or

In waiting at a doctor’s office again: “My time is just as important as these doctors. Why can’t they schedule patients better? (So I can be more patient as a patient :)) I think they are just cramming patients in to make all the money they can!”

Notice the emphasis? I, I, I, me, me, me. When things don’t go the way we think they should, or we don’t get what we want, we become disappointed, disgruntled, distraught or discombobulated which can lead us to be impatient.

The solution? Submit to God and shift your focus off of self and onto God and others.

Did you also notice a sense of discontentment in the scenes above? Being dissatisfied is really just a subset of selfishness. When you and I are not satisfied we usually grumble. Then our complaining hearts just add to our misery. Subconsciously we then try to meet those unfulfilled needs and desires in our own way and timing. And the vicious cycle continues.

We can break that cycle by finding true satisfaction and contentment in Christ alone, looking to Him solely to fill our needs and desires, for trusting God’s ways (and His timing) are better than our ways..

For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and you have been given fullness in Christ…. (Col 2:9-10)

And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. (Phil 4:19)

(If you struggle with discontentment find additional help here: How to Live an Abundant Life God’s Way)

Another root cause of impatience is just plain fear.

Fear:

  • That our needs won’t be met.
  • That we won’t be able to handle it.
  • Of the unknown.

However, these are also based on a self-focus. The solution is to trust our Faithful Provider who is always with us (Phil 4:19).

Another root of impatience is simply having too much on our plates. If we have too many plates spinning, it’s no wonder we’re running around like a chicken with its head chopped off. (Oh, there are so many wonderful and funny word pictures depicting our frantic lives!)

But it’s not funny when relationships are broken, job efficiency goes down, or ulcers arise because of busyness.

Whether the root of your impatience is self-focus, discontentment, fear, or busyness Jesus Christ is the only effective and lasting solution.

Understanding yourself—including your past, present circumstances, and personality—will help you to be more patient.

So my friends, examine your life and determine what causes your impatience. Then ask the Lord for specific truths and practical ideas so you can lose your IMpatience instead of your patience!

Thus says the Lord of hosts: “Consider your ways.” (Hag 1:7)*

 

Blogs in this series:

How to be more Patient: Part 1

How to be More patient-Part 2: Understanding Time and Purpose

How to be More patient-Part 3: Understanding Others

For more help get Rose’s book:

From the Vertical to the Horizontal: Empowered to Relate to People God’s Way

The Holy Bible: New International Version®. NIV. ® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.

*New King James Version (NKJV) Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

 

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