Having a Pity-Party? 10 Tips on How to Leave!

opened door

Are you feeling sorry for yourself and just can’t seem to get out of this “woe is me” mentality? I’ve been there more times than I can count!

A few years ago, on the tenth anniversary of my soulmate’s passing, I found myself in one of those full-blown pity-parties.

But I didn’t want to be there!

As I was bawling my eyes out, my kind Lord showed me a way out by giving me a silly allegory in which my negative emotions were personified (inspired by my favorite book Hinds’ Feet on High Places). It was the ticket I needed.

I shared it on Facebook and it resonated with so many women that I decided to follow-up with a blog. You can read that short allegory here: I’m Leaving This Pity-Party!

So are you having a pity-party?

If you feel stuck and if you are tired of your ever-present companions of self-deprecation, discouragement, doubt, despair, and discontentment here are…

10 Tips to Help You Leave that Pity Party

1. You have to want to leave

This is probably the hardest step. Breaking the hold of longtime “friends” and habits is difficult, but not impossible. Look at the negative consequences of remaining and the benefits of leaving. This will help you to do the next step.

2. Decide to leave

It’s a choice. The how will then follow. As the saying goes: “Where there’s a will, there’s a way!”

3. Enlist God’s help and trust that He will make a way of escape.

The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure. (1 Cor 10:13)

(My way out was a funny allegory!)

4. Examine why you’re having a pity-party

What is causing you to have this “woe is me” mindset? Without knowing the root, you will only be treating symptoms. Use pen and paper to help you. However, please do this self-evaluation with the Holy Spirit. Otherwise, you might wind up staying even longer.

5. Get the right perspective and focus 

When you have a greater understanding of God’s character and ways, when you understand that this is not all there is and that whatever you are going through will not last forever—you’ll be able to shift your focus off yourself and onto God and eternity.

6. Praise and thanksgiving

Remember what God has done for you. Think about the many blessings He has given you. At the very least, think how Jesus saved you from eternal agony to everlasting bliss. Everything else pales next to that!

Choose to sing praises to God—when you do, departure is guaranteed!

7. Don’t make it harder to leave by doing something that’ll make your mood worse.

Pity-parties often spiral downward. When I was grieving on that 10-year mark of my husband’s home-going, traipsing down memory lane would have only gotten me further away from the exit door.

Before you open up that bag of chips or waste the time away with useless or harmful behavior…

Stop and think if it’s really helping you!

8. Fight

Fight by speaking specific truths against your specific issues. Do so emphatically, repeatedly, and with strong conviction [See an example of how to do that here].

9. Surrender

Put yourself—your emotions, thoughts, desires, needs, will, every part of you—on the altar; better feelings will soon emerge! Trust this emotional yo-yo on this.

10. Open the door

…and receive God’s love, comfort, courage—whatever you need to walk out that door.

“Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends.” (Rev 3:20)

So until next time, my friends, open the door when Jesus comes to rescue you from your pity-party. All your negative naysayers will leave (and if they don’t, kick them out with Jesus’ powerful truth and presence) His party is way way better!

Helpful Resources
I’m Leaving This Pity-Party!
Famous allegory by Hannah Hurnard: Hinds’ Feet on High Places 


New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserve